Have you ever had bad customer service? Of course you have! We all have. So you can understand how valuable good customer service can be. It's rare and hard to find and in fact, it's the burden of large business.

The worst customer service usually are for big companies. The reason for this is because the people answering the phones are normally about 10 rungs on the ladder below the CEO. In fact, customer service is usually in a different city, or in a different country! "My names is Pragnesh, can I helps you with your cell phone service today sir? Did you perform a hard boot de phone?"

For me, the best customer service is no customer service. If you can't get it done right, do it yourself. I do not like to talk to people because normally, the people can't help me with what I want; they aren't authorized to. For this reason, I love the internet. I love having full control of things and being able to do things myself. As a result, I LOVE DirecTV. I really really do. I can do everything online. Buy a new receiver? Sure! Schedule a move? Why not!? How about turn on and off HBO and Shotime? Of course. Yeah, you heard me, I can add and turn off premium channels without talking to some ass hole in India. I won't recieve a call on why i should keep it, i won't have to say no. All I have to do is click "cancel" and because it's a computer, it automatically does the math then pro-rate my account for the month. Awesome!

Now, let's flip a bitch. I recently received a new store card from Express. I spend a shit load of money there and now they upgraded my card from the normal card to the "A-list" card. Okay, it's more than just a marketing gimick. I do get better percent off and i get a lot of $10/$20 off in the mail. Literally monthly. It's nice because when i actually want to shop, i get around $50 off of whatever plus a percent off for using the card... which i go home and pay online right away.

Anyway, It says on the card "Call to Activate." So I call. As soon as i hear "this call may be recorded" I know two things: 1) This is not automated and 2) I'm going to have to say no a lot. I have been through enough of these calls to know that everything is a number and It can be automated via a phone or internet, it has before. This must be a marketing sales ploy. I am immediately on the defensive.   

 "Express Card Customer service how can i help you?" I explain the deal, and we exchange all the nice pleasantries. After everything has been exchanged, the nice lady says "Ok, your card is being activated now and while we wait, let me explain something else you can consider." So the nice lady does her best to tell me for $7 a month I can have protection on my card. Just in case it's stolen, I go over the limit, late payment forgiveness, etc... and I say "Nope not interested today" to which she has obviously heard before because she starts to say "No problem but let me also remind you this can benefit blah blah blah..." to which i really don't care. I say again i don't care and no and she says that's okay the card is active and to have a nice day and that was that.

So here is my question, if something is so fucking important, why the hell is it an option and not standard? I mean, if i lose a lot with out it, why the hell would i ever want your damn card in the first place unless this came with it?

I understand that this upselling must make money, but at what cost? How much more could you make if you include that value and the current price? How many more customers could you have? How much more could toy make? The moral of this story, don't nickel and dime and make sure the people interfacing with the customers have as much authority as you do. If they don't, they are worthless. 

Walhalla

-PZ