For starters it's powered by Windows Mobile. I can't figure out why Microsoft has been unable to build a stable operating system since 3.1. I don't even turn my laptop off anymore because Vista reliably crashes every night. I would recommend using Windows Mobile only if you enjoy a constant stream of irritating pop up screens and watching the device crash for unexplainable reasons. So far no piece of technology has caused me to spend more money in the swear jar than the Samsung Omnia.

Another refreshing feature of this sorry-ass piece of shit is Visual Voicemail. For $2.99 a month you are chained into using this worthless voicemail managing program. Not only does this cell phone not alert you when you have a new voicemail (a feature that I had in even my very first cell phone), you have to MANUALLY check for new voicemail. In addition, despite the fact that this phone has 8 gigs of storage, by default the phone saves new messages into a small 80 megabyte folder, which is shared by about 78 megabytes of other data. This means that after downloading two voicemails, you will be inundated with pop ups warning you of your size limit until you delete everything in your phone. Why can't you save voicemail into the EIGHT FUCKING GIGABYTES OF FREE SPACE AVAILABLE?

I don't know. I don't know why I have nipples either. Or why they are hairy.

I almost forgot to mention one more sweet feature of this phone. GPS and how it interacts with with second party applications such as Google maps. GPS does not work on this phone. They advertise the fuck out of it, but let me correct them. GPS doesn't work. Using Google maps on this phone might be the most frustrating experience I've ever had. I'd rather teach PERL to a group of Kindergartners injected with Fun Dip then try and search for a Walgreens with this program.

The GPS doesn't work with Google maps, which means that every 10 seconds or so you get another irritating pop up message alerting you to the obvious. The Keyboard---which is another disaster on its own, does not work with Google Maps. This means that you have to select the "phone pad" option (a virtual simulation of a classic phone) and dial in your choice as if you were using the most plebeian of all phones. Did I mention you can't type numbers either?

The best part is that there isn't really any reliable mapping program alternative available for the Omnia, besides paying $15 a MONTH for VZ Navigator. That's $180 a year! I could buy a new phone for that! Or fill up my VW with Tacos! Or hire a hitman in South Africa!

Back to the keyboard. Recovering Alcoholics should be wary of this phone. Sending texts to family our friends is a sure way to get your ass intervened into another recovery center. You may want to text, "What time is the movie tonight", but because the onscreen keys are slow and unresponsive, you usually send something like "wjty tggme idds th m9ve t2nitgght." I tried to send a text drunk one time and it ended up looking like this "sdffhasuinguisng"

 

Hey! I bet you thought you get applications for this like the iPhone or BlackBerry. Well guess again jackass!!! The application "store" has about 20, all of which cost around $30 each, and are outdated and useless. It's like they gave up on this phone before they started to build it. 

 

Did I mention it comes with a stylus that doesn't actually fit anywhere inside the phone? Nope it hangs there by a cord...loose as my stool after eating Arby's.

I hate you Samsung Omnia.