In case you  are wondering why Jonesey hasn't been posting in a while, it's because he's been busy with the Awkward lawyer trying to sort this mess out.

Oprah is apparently sueing us for "using her name with out her permission." or some bullshit like that. We've been keeping it under wraps until we knew we are in the clear, which we are. Freedom of speach and all of that.

 The drama really came to it's peak when we met with Oprah and her lawyers. I swear to you it was the dumbest thing ever. First of all, Oprah is crazy. She kept asking to be refered to as "Queen Oprah of the Harpo Kingdom" and for some reason, refused to sit in a chair that wasn't made of suede. She actually had some guy bring in one of those chairs from her show to sit on.

Anyway, during the discussion, she kept talking on the phone to her friend and was very loud and annoying. She didn't seem to care where she was or that she was trying to get $20 Million from us. Then her lawyer, i think is name was Barney Goldstein, tried to strong arm us. He threatened that if we didn't settle, he would take us to court for like, 3 years and bankrupt us in legal fees.

At this point i laughed. Jonesey however was getting a bit nerveous and was on edge for dealing with the stuff for so long and asked what it would take to settle. Goldstein said $1 mil within a 1 week. Jonesey damn near shit himself and our lawyer, Bruce Rampage, showed his chops. He stands up, stares down Oprah with that "i've got you bitch" look on his face, then he stars down Goldstein.  Then he says in this deep voice that would make satan quiver, "Listen you ego-centric bitch, if you thinkk you are going to get a dime from my clients then you might as well go fist yourself. The most you are going to get out of any of us is a steaming pile of my shit and I swear to you it will be the corniest shit in the world."

Goldstein just sat there. I could see a solid tear run down his cheak. I could tell no one had ever scared the shit out of Oprah's lawyer like that before.  Oprah on the other had had gotten off the phone. She then stood up and looked right in to Rampage's eyes. She said "listen you snot nose lawyer, if you ever talk to me like that again, i'll end you. I mean I will have you fucking killed. Then i'll devote 5 shows to how much of an ass you were and how you run a kindergarten prostitution ring just to slander your name once you are dead and burried. You understand me you prick!?!" 

Rampage just stood there and looked at her, but you could tell, he was as threatened by her as he was by a house fly. I mean, the friggen guy was part of the CIA "Wet Team" for like 10 years. One night we were at a bar and Ramapage showed up and said he was buying all night. When we asked why, he said he got mugged which of course means he beat the shit out of the would be mugger and took his wallet as a trophey and to teach the ass hole a lesson. This guy doesn't get messed with. 

Anyway, Oprah started to walk out of the room when Rampage stopped her by saying "Hey bitch!" Oprah turned around and looked at him with death in her eyes like "Nobody talks to me like that." Rampage looks right at her and says "24 hours." Oprah says in a hostile voice "24 hours for what?" Rampage just repats "24 hours." Oprah walks out with a semi frightened look on her face and rampage then looks at Goldstein who at this point had fainted.   

Jonesey and I had managed to find some popcorn and were enjoying the show by this time.  We just sat there with open mouths of popcorn falling out thinking "holy shit". Rampage looked at us and said "don't worry about this boys.  I'll take care of it."

 I have a feeling we won't be bothered with this again. I wonder what he meant by 24 hours?

-Walhalla
(I love April Fools day)