So PZ is right. I have been MIA lately. He hinted at an altercation with Oprah but he doesn't know the details. Approximately a week ago I was sitting in my apartment watching dirty jobs and eating a homemade shephards pie when my door burst open. Oprah jumped into my living room wearing hockey pads and she started screaming, "YOU DARE NOT SPEAK ILL OF EMPORERESS OPRAH!" I said to her, "you better fix my door and get your crazy estrogen charged self our of my apartment or something bad is gonna happen!" Just then a horde of Oprah's dreaded flying monkeys screeched into my apartment. The next thing I know, I've woken up in a dungeon in the middle of Argentina. I realize all I'm wearing is a loincloth and I'm holding an axe. I look around and there are dozens of middle aged women holding gift bags from bath and body works and miniature dvd players, cheering for blood. Just then Oprah burst through a doorway on a chariot carrying a flaming spear and wearing nothing but nipple-armor. She screams, "NOW WE FIGHT TO THE DEATH!" Well, needless to say I wasn't about to die from the hands of Oprah. So I did what any red blooded American man would do. I ran away as fast as I could. I hacked my way through the crowd ran through the jungle until I reached a small village, traded a kidney for a plane ticket to Chicago and some pants, and just got home ready to write something on Awkblog. Along the way I told the Argentinian military that Oprah was hiding in the jungle so they carpet-bombed the area. I don't know if Oprah made it out or not, but one things for sure, I got the hell out of there. Anyway what was I talking about?

Oh right. Gibson.

Read this: Gibson Sues Wal-Mart

Gibson (The Guitar Maker) is pissed because Guitar Hero is using their trademark name and image in their game in an effort to add a certain level of authenticity to their game. I was honestly surprised when I read this headline. I love the Guitar Hero series. When a buddy of mine got it for the first time and brought it back to his apartment. It took one look at the guitar controller for me to go, "Holy Shit! That game looks fricken sweet!." Three versions of Guitar Hero later and I'm proud to say that I am an expert with the fake plastic guitar axe. The whole time I just assumed Gibson paid to be in the game. After all the game features models of actual gibson guitars and amplifiers. But no....I guess not.

If anything the fact that they didn't pay for sponsorship makes this lawsuit even more ridiculous. Guitar Hero has probably sold more Gibson guitar's than any band in existence. What a bunch of dumbasses. I hope Guitar hero 4 features only musical instruments from a grateful music company.