The other night I was sitting with my buddy watching the Oprah Christmas show when I saw him whip out his new one. He has one of "them newfangled Samsung smartphones", the actual model name evades me but it's basically an iPhone clone. I of course whipped out mine, the LG enV2 and we proceeded to have a hearty conversation of why it sucks.

Then a few days later I realized something. This phone doesn't suck! This phone is awesome. It can do things that 5 years ago no ones phone could do.  When cell phones first started to become mainstream about 10 years ago just having a phonebook was considered a premium feature. Text messaging? A digital camera? A digital VIDEO CAMERA? INTERNET ON YOUR PHONE???? WTF!?!?!?

In those days, these concepts only existed on James Bond storyboards.  Next to vanishing cars, ice castles, and Halle Berry. But I digress. The point is this handy little device that has spent the better part of my life sitting in my pocket, slowly irradiating my testicles into sterility, has for the most part been able to make many things more convenient for me. 

I can even access my Gmail on it! I know you iPhone and Crackberry assholes can too, but I'm just saying. You paid a few hundred dollars. This phone was basically free. 

Yet despite the fact that 10 years ago this phone couldn't even exist in a lab, much less the consumer market, I'm still not satisfied with it. How sad and pathetic is that?

I don't know what that means for cell phone marketers but theres a good chance you can't invent enough cool shit fast enough to stay ahead of the curve. And everyone I think can understand that consumers these days have the attention span of ferret on methedrone. 

In the meantime I think I'm going to proudly rock out my enV2. It might suck compared to your phone, but it's still way better than what Zack Morris uses.