Ticketmaster has also recently been getting in the habit of selling mass quantities of tickets to StubHub, and other legitimate scalper websites. So that means an innocent $15 ticket could get bumped up to $25 courtesy of Ticketmaster, and then sold on StubHub for yet an additional upcharge for $40 before the public even has access to it.

Solution:
I would say the best solution is to stop attending concerts, plays, and sporting events, but as an avid goer of all of the above, I don't think that's realistic. What is realistic, is if someone developed open source venue / ticketing software, thus eliminating the need for Ticketmaster to exist altogether.

Concert prices go down---tickets get sold easier, and those royalties that Ticketmaster was reaping get kept in house. Also BrownPaperTickets.com is a great place to start.

The other day I was in a giant wine warehouse. Came across a beautiful display for Dom Perignon Champagne. They were being sold at a discount at $125 a bottle. That price point is acceptable and even encouraged because after all Dom Perignon is the best? Says who? I mean I've seen the Yin Yang Twins on MTV cribs boast about it's polite texture and subtle aftertones but these also the same guys who wrote a song about "whistlin' while ya twerk". That's a song about oral sex. Though I'd point that out. 

Have you ever had bad customer service? Of course you have! We all have. So you can understand how valuable good customer service can be. It's rare and hard to find and in fact, it's the burden of large business.

The worst customer service usually are for big companies. The reason for this is because the people answering the phones are normally about 10 rungs on the ladder below the CEO. In fact, customer service is usually in a different city, or in a different country! "My names is Pragnesh, can I helps you with your cell phone service today sir? Did you perform a hard boot de phone?"

For me, the best customer service is no customer service. If you can't get it done right, do it yourself. I do not like to talk to people because normally, the people can't help me with what I want; they aren't authorized to. For this reason, I love the internet. I love having full control of things and being able to do things myself. As a result, I LOVE DirecTV. I really really do. I can do everything online. Buy a new receiver? Sure! Schedule a move? Why not!? How about turn on and off HBO and Shotime? Of course. Yeah, you heard me, I can add and turn off premium channels without talking to some ass hole in India. I won't recieve a call on why i should keep it, i won't have to say no. All I have to do is click "cancel" and because it's a computer, it automatically does the math then pro-rate my account for the month. Awesome!

Now, let's flip a bitch. I recently received a new store card from Express. I spend a shit load of money there and now they upgraded my card from the normal card to the "A-list" card. Okay, it's more than just a marketing gimick. I do get better percent off and i get a lot of $10/$20 off in the mail. Literally monthly. It's nice because when i actually want to shop, i get around $50 off of whatever plus a percent off for using the card... which i go home and pay online right away.

Anyway, It says on the card "Call to Activate." So I call. As soon as i hear "this call may be recorded" I know two things: 1) This is not automated and 2) I'm going to have to say no a lot. I have been through enough of these calls to know that everything is a number and It can be automated via a phone or internet, it has before. This must be a marketing sales ploy. I am immediately on the defensive.   

 "Express Card Customer service how can i help you?" I explain the deal, and we exchange all the nice pleasantries. After everything has been exchanged, the nice lady says "Ok, your card is being activated now and while we wait, let me explain something else you can consider." So the nice lady does her best to tell me for $7 a month I can have protection on my card. Just in case it's stolen, I go over the limit, late payment forgiveness, etc... and I say "Nope not interested today" to which she has obviously heard before because she starts to say "No problem but let me also remind you this can benefit blah blah blah..." to which i really don't care. I say again i don't care and no and she says that's okay the card is active and to have a nice day and that was that.

So here is my question, if something is so fucking important, why the hell is it an option and not standard? I mean, if i lose a lot with out it, why the hell would i ever want your damn card in the first place unless this came with it?

I understand that this upselling must make money, but at what cost? How much more could you make if you include that value and the current price? How many more customers could you have? How much more could toy make? The moral of this story, don't nickel and dime and make sure the people interfacing with the customers have as much authority as you do. If they don't, they are worthless. 

Walhalla

-PZ

If your professional work address is ends in any of the following:

@yahoo.com
@gmail.com
@msn.net
@aim.com
@aol.com
etc.

Figure out a way to fix it. It's probably really cheap and takes 10 minutes of effort on your part--well worth the cost of not looking like an amateur.
(Hint: Gmail does email forwarding).

So doing invoicing today I came across this gem.

Its hard to make out in this picture but its an ad for CareerBuilder.com. On a bill for advertising. This is an ad. On a bill for an ad. 

The other night I was sitting with my buddy watching the Oprah Christmas show when I saw him whip out his new one. He has one of "them newfangled Samsung smartphones", the actual model name evades me but it's basically an iPhone clone. I of course whipped out mine, the LG enV2 and we proceeded to have a hearty conversation of why it sucks.

Boy I can't wait for Black Friday. I'm gonna tear some shit up! I can't wait to trample an old lady to death so I can get my hands on a $40 Blu-Ray player. It's not my fault she's old and slow. I'll be laughing my ass off watching the sweet new Indiana Jones movie in high-def when she's dying at a nursing home with a broken hip. Black Friday isn't decided by who wins the battle, but rather the war. I put together this handy guide of necessary gear so you can be a retail warrior. Nay a retail mercenary!!

Just follow these steps, unless you want to camp outside your local Best Buy just to save $50 on a laptop. Man, then you'd feel like total fucking jackass!

Onward:

First you need to think about what you are going to wear. This isn't a beauty contest, it's a fight to the death. Prepare yourself as if you were stepping into the ring with a 400 lb bull. For this reason I recommend the El Mariachi model from Mundo-Matadores. Just like a real Matador its tight, nut-hugging chaps will prevent any unnecessary snags on annoying children and errant shopping carts.

Since you will be waiting in line at 3 AM in many cases. (Early bird gets a $10 karaoke machine), I recommend the delicious beverage RedBull™ to keep you awake. It has enough caffeine and sugar to snap someone out of a heroine overdose. So to be safe that you are alert enough, I'd drink 7. (Disclaimer: Don't drink 7, I read a dude died after drinking 3)

It's probably a good idea to have satellite internet service available for when credit card machines get overloaded and break down. A working knowledge of the Circuit City internal computer software would be helpful.

Along those lines I also recommend bringing several credit cards, for when you max out your limits buying shit your family doesn't need that you'll never be able completely pay for. I hear WaMu has good rates these days---just what a little bird told me--right before he jumped off a building into truck full of starving cats. Ahem. Moving on.

Lets be honest. You won't be the only muchacho in this rodeo. Are you prepared to dispense justice on some sorry asshole who comes in between you and that coveted 70% of digital camera? I fucking hope so! I recommend you obtain a large wooden dining room table leg and superglue thumbtacks to it. Nothing says that Playstation 3 is mine better than a blunt object with spikes on its barrel. Ikea has good deals this time of year. I highly recommend.

If you do dispense justice and there are pesky witnesses nearby, you might want to talk to my friends at Goldman and Thomas LLP. They are great attorneys and specialize in assault charges. They've kept me out of the klink after several kick ass thanksgiving shopping weekends! Tell them I sent you.

Also if you are thinking about buying gift cards this year, I recommend you get a giant burlap sack with a dollar sign painted on it, so you can deposit and arbitrary amount of cash and give it directly to credit card companies or merchants. We wouldn't have this wonderful day of violence and discount electronics without them, so lets show them how much we care! After all, gift cards are great for their economy. They only made $8,000,000,000 in profits from small unspent balances last year alone. I'm confident we can get them up to $10,000,000,000 if we all stick together on this. YES WE CAN!

Oh...and one final thing. If you think Black Thursday is complete bullshit too then I recommend participating in "Buy Nothing Day." Hands down the easiest form of civic action: inaction. That's right, you can make a difference by sitting on your ass watching Maury Povich. Check out their website for more info.

And please, be safe this weekend. Happy Thanksgiving.

Now, i'm not a fan of companies making "viral" commercials. They make me feel cheap and used and it tends to make me not want to buy a product. This, however, is funny as hell. Old Spice, I salute you for only you know how to mak a truely funny commercial.

So this past weekend I met up with my friends at this bar on the North Side of Chicago, I would say they will remain annonymous in this piece, but the truth is, due to their stupidity I drank so much that I haven't the faintest idea what they are called. Red...Pub...Bar....? I have no clue.

Let me explain what happened. I arrive at this bar with a friend who is celebrating someones birthday (woohoo). They have a drink special where you pay $30 and it's open bar for the rest of the night. A pretty good deal by Chicago standards. I go up to the bar, wallet in hand to pay for my ticket to unlimited tequila heaven. The conversation with the bartender goes like this:

Jonesey: Hey, what's the special tonight? $30 all you can drink or something?
Bartender: Yeah, what do you want?
Jonesey: I'll take a tequila sunrise, can I put this on debit?
Bartender: I can't do it, you have to have my manager charge it.
Jonesey: Ok. Where is he?
Bartender: I don't know.
Jonesey: umm....okay.
Bartender: Just like ask one of the cocktail waitresses or something...